Wednesday, April 23, 2014

On Life, Death and the Goodness of God

Hello, my faithful followers! (If you're still checking in here after such a long silence, you MUST be faithful!). It's time to fill you in. And yes, that was a serious title, but this isn't going to be my normal, just-for-fun type of post, and I didn't want to take you by surprise. If you've been with me for a while (like, from the old blog) or you're a cryer, you might want to grab a kleenex box. You have been warned. ;-)

I finally resolved my tech issues (I think!) but then life took a twist and I simply have not had the energy to put anything up here until now. I never anticipated having to share something so serious so early into a blog, but, here we are.

I'm putting my cute pregnancy series up on a shelf for a while. This pregnancy isn't going to turn out the way we expected.

For a number of reasons, we ended up having our first ultrasound much later than normal. It's always such an exciting day, and my Hubby and I really enjoyed it, although it was a little different than the ultrasounds we've had in the past. No cute face shots, in fact, aside from the heart, brain and spine, it was pretty hard to tell what we were seeing. I figured it must be harder to see things since we were so much farther along and Baby was bigger. We were a bit disappointed not to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. The umbilical cord was in the way. (We're finder-outters - it's the suspense!).

"Don't worry," the ultrasound technician told us, "the doctor will order another ultrasound." Perhaps that should have clued us in to something, but it didn't. We sat in the lobby and decided we didn't need another ultrasound just to find out -we could wait the old fashioned way. So we sat and talked about boy names.

Because I think every post should have a picture . . .

They called us back in for our visit with the doctor. She very gently explained some of the hardest things a parent can hear. She said that the ultrasound technician had not been able to find any kidneys, that there wasn't really any amniotic fluid, and that amniotic fluid is necessary for lung development. In short, that our baby would not be able to live very long after birth.

My sister "just happened" to be in town and had the kids well in hand, and Kyle had a small work errand in a town a way off, so we took off on a long drive into the country. We cried. We talked. We prayed. We cried some more. It gave us some much needed time to process and to regain our composure before telling the kids. It was a very difficult day, and there have been some hard days since then. But there are some true things that gave us peace and hope on that day, and every day since.

It sounds pretty abstract to say that how we are doing is resting on the fact that Jesus is the Son of God, died for our sins and is alive right now. But it's true, and it's really very relevant for two reasons. First, even though I'm not and can't be good enough to earn heaven, because Jesus was perfect and paid the penalty for my sins, I look forward to meeting our little guy or girl in eternity. Second, because Jesus is alive today I know, based on his word (and my own experience in the past), that although I have some unspeakably difficult moments ahead, he will be with me to give me his strength, comfort and peace.

* * * * *

Well, that's about as far as I had gotten on a post, when our little Sherbet came, a whole five weeks early! I'm too tired to post about it now, so I'm going to go ahead and put this up, with a promise to tell you about him soon. Just know for now that we are well, and that God is good!

 Blessed be the Lord who daily bears our burdens, His grace is sufficient for me. - Gretchen